Aleluia! I was able to find at least one father of the Church who spoke favorably, firmly and respectfully in regards to women and marriage. He is St. Gregory Nazianzen, Eastern doctor of the Church. This is fantastic and the saint was well ahead of his times. He did not rub along with the grain of his times! What a unique and towering individual! His insights are incredible and extremely courageous! Maybe it was his influence and writings that prevented the Middle Eastern cultures from turning Puritan. Here is his text (taken from the "Orations" #37):
".. The question which you have put seems to me to do honor to chastity, and to demand a kind reply. Chastity, in respect of which I see that the majority of men are ill-disposed, and that their laws are unequal and irregular. For what was the reason why they restrained the woman, but indulged the man, and that a woman who practices evil against her husband's bed is an adulterous and the penalties of the law for this are very severe; but if the husband commits fornication against his wife, he has no account to give? I do not accept this legislation; I do not approve this custom. They who made the Law were men,
and therefore their legislation is hard on women, since they have placed children also under the authority of their fathers, while leaving the weaker sex uncared for. God doth not so; but says Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee; and, He that curses father or mother, let him die the death. Similarly He gave honor to good and punishment to evil. And, The blessing of a father strengthened the houses of children, but the curse of a mother uprooted the foundations. See the equality of the legislation. There is one Maker of man and woman; one debt is owed by children to both their parents.
How then dost thou demand Chastity, while thou dost not thyself observe it? How dost thou demand that which thou dost not give? How, though thou art equally a body, dost thou legislate unequally? If thou enquire into the worse--The Woman Sinned, and so did Adam. The serpent deceived them both; and one was not found to be the stronger and the other the weaker. But dost thou consider the better? Christ saves both by His Passion. Was He made flesh for the Man? So He was also for the woman. Did He die for the Man? The Woman also is saved by His death. He is called of the seed of David; and so perhaps you think the Man is honored; but He is born of a Virgin, and this is on the Woman's side. They two, He says, shall be one Flesh; so let the one flesh have equal honor." And Paul legislates for chastity by His example. How, and in what way? This Sacrament is great, he says, But I speak concerning Christ and the Church. It is well for the wife to reverence Christ through her husband: and it is well for the husband not to dishonor the Church through his wife. Let the wife, he says, see that she reverence her husband, for so she does Christ; but he also bids the husband to cherish his wife, for so Christ does the Church. Let us, then, give further consideration to this saying.
Now the Law grants divorce for every cause; but Christ not for every cause; but He allows only separation from the whore; and in all other things He commands patience. He allows to put away the fornicatress, because she corrupts the offspring; but in all other matters let us be patient and endure; or rather be ye enduring and patient, as many as have received the yoke of matrimony. Let thy fountain of water, it says, be only thine own, and let no stranger share it with thee; and, let the colt of thy favors and the stag of thy love company with thee; do thou then take care not to be a strange river, nor to please others better than thine own wife. But if thou be carried elsewhere, then thou make a law of lewdness for thy partner also. Thus says the Savior.
What of the Pharisees? To them this word seems harsh. Yes, for they are also displeased at other noble words--both the older Pharisees, and the Pharisees of the present day. For it is not only race, but disposition also that makes a Pharisee. Thus also I reckon as an Assyrian or an Egyptian him who is ranged among these by his character. What then say the Pharisees? If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. Is it only now, O Pharisee, that thou understand this, it is not good to marry? Didst thou not know it before when thou saw widowhood, and orphan hood, and untimely deaths, and mourning succeeding to shouting, and funerals coming upon weddings, and childlessness, and all the comedy or tragedy that is connected with this? It is good to marry; I too admit it, for marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled. It is good for the temperate, not for those who are insatiable, and who desire to give more than due honor to the flesh. When marriage is only marriage and conjunction and the desire for a succession of children, marriage is honorable, for it brings into the world more to please God. But when it kindles matter, and surrounds us with thorns, and as it were discovers the way of vice, then I too say, It is not good to marry.
Honor thou also thy mother, of whom thou was born. Honor thou also her who is of a mother and is a mother.
In another place it is also said and understood, and perhaps it is necessary that I should add it as follows to what has already been said, in order that I may impart to you also my wealth. The Mother of the Sons of Zebedee, in an impulse of parental affection, asked a thing in ignorance of the measure of what she was asking, but pardonably, through the excess of her love and of the kindness due to her children. For there is nothing more affectionate than a Mother,--and I speak of this that I may lay down a law for honoring Mothers. Their mother, then, asked Jesus that they might sit the one on His right hand, the other on his left.
Father Anthony Mellace
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