The Elderly

                               Solitary Cross of the Elderly

                   I wanted to share some reflections that I have concerning the elderly. They are part of what I call "the vulnerable group" of society (along with the unborn, children, the physically, mentally and emotionally handicapped, etc.). Because of their fragile condition, they do merit our special attention, care and love.

                  One of the deep suffering the elderly go through is the loss of a spouse, which is very hard for them to support. It is understandable. They have practically shared a life together and truly became one. The death of their other half is, in a sense, a death they go through too. A Brazilian statistic showed that 40% of heart attacks take place among widows, divorced and separated couples, and are in truth, due to the loss of the beloved person. I think that a visiting angel could comfort a lonely elderly person by listening and talking frequently about the spouse they had lost. The elderly love to speak about and mention very much the person they shared a life with. It is a way for them to release the hidden pain they bear.

             A second suffering that the elderly go through is the absence of their children. Though they love them, they are sometimes too proud to ask their sons and daughters to visit them. They would love to be surprised by the spontaneous presence and communication of their children. In their old age, they miss their children greatly. A visiting angel, in a very delicate, prudent manner could somehow have the children be aware of how much their parents really miss them and feel their absence. The visit they might make should never be something obligatory, but truly desired from the heart.

            Of course, the elderly love any visit they receive. Loneliness is a terrible suffering. Visiting angels could arrange as many people as possible for the elderly person. This would really brighten up their world. The elderly also love to recount their past experiences and the times they lived through. A visiting angel should have much patience in listening to them and sharing in the joy felt by an elderly person telling his stories.

          The subtle thing about affirmation is that it has to be always adequate (or cut down) to the unaffimed person's world, or else it doesn't work. For example, people will say "why did so and so commit suicide? He was surrounded by so many people who loved him!" True, but he was not open to that love and it didn't work its magic. Such people, though good as they were, were not meaningful to him. The person who is to affirm him has to be someone meaningful for him. Someone's spouse, child, or friend important to him, is the candidate that will do the affirming.

             Father Anthony Mellace